My Mal is back! He's back and I can see him! I'm so happy. Even if he's a big baby and he fell asleep, which means I can't sex him for the 284783920532nd time.

I showed him the shelter and he was so moved I think he almost cried. It's good. It's really good. And a few people have moved in and they're doing well. It's so good to have done something like this. Mum is loving working there too, which is awesome! We're going back later tonight to help out with dinner, which means Mal better wake up soon!

I don't think Adrina and Eamon have ventured out of her room since we got back! Dirty muffins! His face while she was on stage though? Priceless. I love that my big brother is happy. I love that he's happy with my best friend.

I love everything right now!

I went over to visit Thomas and James this afternoon because I was bored and lonely and everyone else was busy and I just made myself sound incredibly losery. I had a day off from the shelter and Uni... Anyway, Thomas and James were dancing and then we were going to eat waffles and Thomas disappeared. I guess it was a good thing I was there, because the idea of James being alone isn't pleasant. Though maybe if he would have been alone, Thomas wouldn't have disappeared. I'd like to think so. Either way, I spent the afternoon with James instead. We ate waffles and went to the park and then we went to a bookstore and I might have spoiled him a little.

Uncle Quinn likes to spoil with the written word!

It was a really good day, even if I do miss my friend.

( Anyone wanna see photos of my pussy?!?!?! )

HAHAHA! I might be just a little bit drunk but I can type even if I am doing it very slowly. And also the shelter is done and I had some fumes with Eamon :D He is the best brother EVER and I love Mal.

I CAN SEE!!!

And my vision is FINE!

When I get home, no one disturb me for a little while. I'll be looking at photos of Mal, and you won't like what you walk in on.

This is Flynn but I am typing for Quinn because he wants you all to know he is bored of being blind and he misses the internet. He also says he is pleased because his parents are moving up here soon. We found a house for them and that means they can be here while I'm gone.

He is also pouting because I am going off on a short tour before going on a long one, and he's really cute when he pouts.

Seriously, you should all see it.

Now he says this isn't my journal and I should stop editorialising. Mean.

Shuld I be worried that my vision has been blurry for days in the one eye I have left? Because Idonotwanttobeblind....

My parents are starting to freak me out.

Not in a bad way, just in a...they've been here a week and a half and they actually do have jobs way. They are not wealthy people. Eamon had to pitch in to help me pay uni fees (something I didn't know until a few months ago) so I don't know how they're taking all this time off. They say it's because of the accident, but they were here before that. And I love their presence, don't get me wrong. My parents are some of my favourite people in the world. If they lived here and I saw them everyday, I would be thrilled. But they don't. They can't afford to move.

They're having issues with Eamon and I both living here now, and if they don't go home soon I'm worried they won't even be able to afford that. More things to worry about, joy.

My brother saved my life. Or so I have decided.

There was a car accident, and someone slammed into us. Eamon was hurt worse than I was, but I was trapped. The car hit on my side and crumpled it and the seatbelt buckle was somewhere in there. Poor Eamon hit his head and he hit the steering wheel and he still tried to wrestle me out of the car. While another car was apparently going up in flames. According to the police, the way I was slumped, they wouldn't have seen me so quickly if Eamon hadn't been trying to pull me out. Everyone else involved...except the poor soul who died on impact, had run away in case the cars exploded. I think they would have assumed I wasn't in there... The flames were pretty close and Eamon got burned, and my skin is also feeling a little tender...like a sunburn. A minute more and it would have been bad. But they saw us and cut me loose and then my brave brother fainted into the fire, but he was lucky and it wasn't bad.

We were both lucky.

Parents are here, and they seem much calmer now. Though now my Susanna-mum is jealous and oy VEY sometimes it feels like it'll never end.

My TAing starts again soon, and I'm already doing additional reading for my thesis as well. Academic efforts are quite grand to focus on when some other stuff seems a bit mad and crazy.

I love my parents. Seventy-five percent of them, anyway, and the other 25% we're working on. But sometimes I wonder if they don't need someone around to calm THEM down and help them work through things.

Eamon, I have a message for you.

( Apparently you made an impression on him )

Just had to pass that one along.

We have a place for the shelter! And funding! And a name! But most importantly, a place! Everything's been approved and we're being registered and blahlahlah and at the moment we have to look into permanent staff. I have to interview people. Like I know how to do that. I asked Liz to help me and she got all excited and started making one of her Lists. Yes. Capital L. She's brill.

I love Adrina and her mind is made of cogs and awesomeness. That was a steampunk reference in case people are like "wtf...?"

I miss Mal. Major duh.

Booster decided he likes to take his toys to the top of the stairs and then lie in wait and when you walk under him, he pushes them over the ledge from several stories up. And then he laughs his cat laugh. Booster's a freakin' ninja.

I'm starving. Must eat. Too busy.

My Mal is gone!! And I've turned into a weeping girl. No really, I cried in Eamon's lap. An experience I think he's wishing he could forget.

I love that he gets to do this and I'm so proud of him, but I really look forward to when it's all over.

You told me not to call and I am trying so hard to honour that request. But it's more difficult than I ever thought it would be. I miss you and it sucks. It sucks because I feel like I've done something wrong, though I don't know that I would have done things differently, and I hate that.

Most of all, I'm realising how much you mean to me. How, in just six months, I've gone from meeting you to loving you. I wish you knew how very easy and wonderful it is to love you. You're such a light in my world and I'm scared I'm going to lose that light. I'm scared I'll lose the friend I can ring at three in the morning when I'm away from home, because I can't sleep. Scared I'll lose the friend I make notes on anything I find to write on so I can remember to tell you EVERYTHING over dinner at the end of the day. Scared to lose the friend I can curl up with on the sofa and eat crappy food with and make jokes at the telly without feeling even the slightest bit of worry or unease.

If you're upset, I understand. I'll give you space. I just needed to say how much I love and miss you. It's not meant to be a guilt trip. Take as much time as you need. I wouldn't begrudge someone I loved of that.

Uhm...Mal convinced me I'm an idiot. I'm sorry I panicked. And I know you won't see this right away or reply, but when you do see it, know I love you. I just hate Amaris and she's taken so much from me and I hate the thought of losing you too, Adrina.

So I'm not moving out. And I'm not mad. And I'm incredibly sorry. So very, very sorry. I'll see you when you get back.

Don't call you? You know what, fine. Like this is my fucking fault.

I'll move out.

Eamon, Adrina and I were talking to the shops last night and we ran in to Amaris. I thought we were dead, but she was afraid of us. She said she didn't want to go back to the hospital again and she just wants to leave London. And then she flew away. You know. In front of my housemate and brother who had no idea what was going on.

Awesome. But we didn't die, so...silver lining. I think she's serious too. She has no reason to be afraid of me. She knows she can crumple me like paper from past experience. And she still fucked off. I called Peter when things calmed down, but she's probably halfway to Cuba by now.

I added Eamon and Adrina to this filter so I'm not hiding things anymore. I think they're pretty angry with me. Which I hate. I didn't tell them who healed me after my ordeal, because I thought that should be up to you...I did say it was an angel. What happened that day she attacked me is here which I feel I should link because now my brother knows exactly what happened to me that day. I feel like shit that he didn't know until now. I tried to explain about angels and demons and.... It was...ergh.

But we're not dead.

My parents are crazy! In the best way, of course, but they keep taking me shopping for things I don't need. Hey, Adrina, we now have a lifetime supply of pudding. Apparently they're terrified I'm going to starve. I've told them I'm fine, but to be honest I don't know if I can express how much I appreciate them doing things like this. Even if they are both mad as hatters.

With stupid, perfect genes. ( Exhibit Only )

Me? Haemachromatosis, short, weird head. Eamon? Just lounging around, still managing to look incredible, tall, not...weird head...

Damn my real parents and their stupid dodgy genes!

Eamon is patting me as if to say " there there". Thanks, man. THANKS!

Disclaimer: I am not really upset, I am teasing him. It's fun!

It's my birthday! And I'm awake for it! And 23!

And awake!!

I have to go find some clothes, I'm hideous!

My Mal is amazing.

I'm feeling nostalgic and fucking crappy today. And I was reading Mal's journal from start to finish because he's just...the change there is incredible. And at the core of all of it is this amazing heart. Even in his first post. And being so surprised people cared about him. Talking about his fears... Oh Mal... Always caring for others.

And then I read he had done the same while I was suffering my...lesser mental capacities... And he linked my words like they meant something.

There was the time he wished me a happy birthday though I had no way to know what day it was. And this. I have no way to remember being chased by a mad goose. But just reading it...I know those months I lost, he was with me. Pushing me up hills and reading to me...he was with me. This kills me. My poor Mal.

All of it...it reminds me I'm lucky. We're lucky. I won't take it for granted and I won't forget.

YOU FUCKING SLEPT WITH ADRINA!?

I left you there to keep her safe, not to sleep with her! What is wrong with you?!

Greetings from Nottingham! I have discovered a tasty secret. Mal snores like a jackhammer while he's on tour! He never does at home, ever! It's probably because he's doing so much and he's quite tired by the time we sleep. It's adorable, though! Good thing I can sleep through anything. It's so strange though, because I'm not used to him being loud in any way, and I swear he rattled the hotel doors last night! Impressive!

Mal also informed me that he is trying to develop a stage presence (bless him...) and now when Deirdre flounces over to him he interacts with her instead of letting her do things to him without reacting (or looking slightly scared). Which means the people who were at the Glasgow show last night got to watch Deirdre give him water, and then he danced with her for about thirty seconds, and then he actually walked forward and played back-to-back with Spectre. It was really cool to see him coming out of his shell like that.

I'm so proud of him.

I'd show you pictures, but that's Deirdre's thing and she threatened my life if I took it away, so I'll just let her do it! I'm having a wonderful time. And we'll see you all on Friday for the show!

♥

I have no job and now I am a bum. A touring bum, riding on the coattails of other people's fame. Which, speaking of, three randoms have added me as a friend in the past week and asked if I was Mal's boyfriend. I cheerfully told them yes, but didn't add them back because I'm picky and I like being ME. I feel like I'd be different if people I didn't know were reading this and...I don't know...judging. I don't know how some of you do it...

I'm all packed, I've pre-paid Adrina for the bills, I've marked all the essays and spoken to my thesis supervisor about my Masters and interim study. I'm all ready to go and we don't leave yet! Clearly, I am excited.

Mal is sitting on my bed in a shaft of sunlight, and he's playing his bass and Eamon is singing. Booster is purring in Eamon's lap...it's really beautiful.

Fuck me.

Has anyone seen Adrina?

(If my fucking housemates could stop FUCKING disappearing THAT WOULD BE OKAY, GODDAMMIT!)

It's all arranged! I get to go on tour with my Malachy! I quit my job at the library today, and got another one at Peter's hospital, commencing after Spectre's UK tour. And I'm really happy about this. Motivated about my future, and looking forward to spending a tour with my love. I get to see what he experiences, which is priceless. I get to see him in his element every night! I get to be all proud and fangirly, and then I get hotel sex!

I can't wait!

PS Adrina, Booster says he will protect you and he is looking forward to having time alone with you so you can continue your torrid affair without having to hide it from me.

Hey, Spectre.

Is it okay if I come along on the UK tour? Mal's all !!!! so I offeref to quit my job and join you. But only if it's okay with you!

Eamon's in a spot of trouble. For hacking. And this time he didn't even MEAN to, which is impressive. And I believe him because if he had meant to, he would claim it. That's what hackers do. Apparently he was messing around at work and accidentally made his way into their personnel files. And their more hush-hush projects. He's a programmer so that is a Big Deal. He said they were alerted to it before he had a chance to cover his tracks and he was fired.

SO.

He's going to come here and stay with me and look for a job in London, and a place to stay that hopefully is very cheap. His choices at home are pretty limited. I only hope he hasn't been added to some blacklist... That would be shite. Eamon doesn't deserve it.

Even if sometimes he is slightly shady. He's my big brother. He's taken a bullet for me. He deserves everything he wants and needs, dammit.

Does anyone know where Mal is? We're supposed to go out to dinner and I didn't eat all day to be all ready for it (why do I do these things to myself?!) and now my stomach is eating itself, I think. Which does not feel nice!

I can't find him :( Though if he were lost in my house, that I would understand...

AAHHAHAHHAHAH This is epic! I just weed myself laughing!! I wish I could thwart telemarketers like this!

Dear World,

Please stop trying to blow up my friends, or do all manner of other terrible things to them. It's not okay, and it does make me very upset.

No Love,

Quinny.

Tasha? Mal and I need to talk to you, if that's okay? If Paul could come too...that'd be good.

Mal's being shy because he's afraid you'll arrest him even though he didn't do anything wrong. He made a deal with the people who were going to kill us in Dublin. That's why we got out of there... And he didn't think it was right to keep from Stuart, Abby and Spectre. Just so you know, he hasn't done anything yet. But they're the ones who broke his finger.

He has an idea though. A way to make this deal not a Terribly Bad Thing that will end up with my Mal dead or imprisoned. Which...yeah, without you guys? That's what's going to happen. Please. Help?

Tristan, Timothy and I are in Dublin. We haven't found anything yet, which is annoying and I hate it here. I want to keep looking, but I suppose that's why I have people here with me. I can't spend all night on the street looking for Mal just because he is.

I just hate that he's out there. But at least...at least we're in the same city now. I know I'm close. That's worth a lot.

Mal's in Dublin. Of course he's in fucking Dublin. Of all the fucking places. He would go the last place I would ever want to see again. And now I have to go get him. Grumblefuck.

Just be careful where you spread the information, please. Reagan acts all friendly, but I have a feeling she's shoulder-deep in it.

Mal sent me his engagement ring in the post and told me to look after it until it was safe and he could come back. He didn't want it to get stolen. I know what that means. He's out there on the street again. And he wouldn't have brought money with him either. That always ends up stolen in the end. He'd just be out there with nothing.

Bull-fucking-shit. I'm going to go looking for him. I won't stay away though. I'm not leaving. I'm just looking.

Why am I always the news person.

Mal's gone. He left because I got a threatening and unpleasant letter. Apparently these people can't just leave well enough alone and he freaked out because they had my address. So he's gone. He's just gone.

Goddammit.

I went to Deirdre's to see her this afternoon, because I was worried about her being sick and alone. I had to break in to get to her. She had fallen down the stairs and I let her take my soul to heal up because she was...it was bad. Not as bad as I was when I was found on a stairs, but...close.

And she told me to tell you, she was pregnant. And she isn't anymore. And she doesn't want to see anyone.

I'm so worried about her.

Booster claimed one of James' stuffed animals as his own when James was visiting yesterday, and the cat hasn't put the thing down since unless he's sleeping with it. It's a good thing James doesn't mind sharing, geez. Crazy Ally Cat. I think he thinks the thing is his girlfriend or something. Booster's weird. But he gets me so I can pretend to get him I suppose!

To keep up a trend, I lost my job at the espresso pump because they closed down completely. They were more expensive than the cafe and so they couldn't compete anymore. Mal said he'd hire me to look pretty, but I said he'd never be able to afford me (har har). Luckily, I got a job at the library! They know me pretty damn well ;) And I work with Dimitri now, which is really nice. And it was a hell of a relief to get a job a day after losing one and panicking like a little girl.

I mean...panicking like a big strong man. Of course. One who is currently wearing a skirt.

They're comfy.

That bitch has my Malachy and she hurt him and sent Thomas pictures... I found them.

( They're fucked up. )

I have no words. That's my lover and he's hurting and she doesn't care and fuck, fuck, fuck I want him back with me right fucking now.

Mal isn't home yet and his classes ended at five. I'm getting worried now. He was supposed to come to mine to have dinner and that was two hours ago. I can't reach his mobile and I rang one of his friends and they said they saw him leave so he's not still there.

I really, really don't like this...

Thought I'd let you know that before Aurelia died, she came to my University and 'unhealed' me. She undid what Spectre had done and I guess I was like I was in June and July for a few hours. Spectre and Mal came for me and Spectre tried to heal me but he couldn't. Rolf had to do it.

Apparently if an angel heals someone from something that normally wouldn't disappear on it's own. Like brain damage... Another stronger angel can undo it. Rolf said it was an abnormal use of power for an angel so not all of them could do it and sometimes it didn't work, but it worked on me. Thank goodness Rolf was there. I'm fit as a fiddle now with only a bump on the head to show for it.

I think I gave Spectre and Mal the fright of...well..two days ago. But I'll be okay. I just thought it was something everyone should know, even if Aurelia is gone.

Mal's asleep on my bed with his mouth wide open! So I put some crepe paper in there so now he looks like a party favour.

Because I'm such an awesome boyfriend.

His lips are all big and I can't kiss him, which really irks me, but he's safe and his brain is okay and that's what's important. And he's on pain killers which make him act incredibly adorable. He was giggling all afternoon every time I said 'blow'. We're so mature.

Hehehhee he keeps breathing and making the crepe paper flutter. And Booster is batting at it half-heartedly. It's all happening all up in here!